When we grieve, our body grieves too. A knot in the stomach, pressure on the chest, dizziness, lack of energy. If it happens to you, remember you are not crazy and certainly not the only one.
During lockdown many of us experience different losses. No freedom of movement, no visits, no family or friends around, no proper goodbye when a close one dies, loss of income, loss of sense of security. Just to mention some.
A loss can affect our body profoundly. In a way you might not expect. It helps when you know how. Let’s find out…
I don’t feel anything!
Especially when a profound loss is sudden, not expected or anticipated, you could feel numb. You might have expected to feel miserable but no, you don’t feel much at all. As it is not really happening, you are walking around in a bad film. Or you cannot believe it is true. It is all an awful mistake and soon you will wake up out of this nightmare.
These are ways to protect yourself. Sometimes the shock is too big and our mind and our body cannot cope. They shut down. That’s why you feel numb and that is helpful. You get time to adapt to the profound changes in your life.
I am so tired!
What is very common is feeling exhausted. Experiencing a loss and adapting to the many changes in our life, takes energy. We are working, even if we don’t experience it as work.
That’s why you can be very tired even when it seems you don’t do much. Well you do, you are grieving. It is not strange you don’t get done as much as you were used to. It is ok to slow down.
My body hurts!
You might have physical pain all over, or pain in more specific parts of your body such as back pain, headaches, knots in the stomach, a tight throat (problems with swallowing), pressure on the chest, tension in shoulders or jaws.
Grief can increase your blood pressure and your heart rate. (Always let you GP know. These symptoms might not have a direct relationship to your loss, but mention your grief)
Feeling a part of your body is amputated. Feeling very cold, feeling empty. Experiencing a knife is stabbing you. Sickness, nausea or constipation. It is not uncommon that the digestive system gets disturbed. Lack of appetite or overeating, overusing drugs, increased or reduced sex drive, problems with sleeping or sleeping a lot.
For many people the corona crisis is a time of waiting and surviving. Waiting for the moment to be able to move freely, to see our parents in the care homes, to start working, to find out if there will be work, to hug friends and family. Waiting to breathe again. We are on hold and our bodies hold the tension.
I explode!
When you cannot get rid of your energy, when the tension builds up, you might feel like exploding. You feel like smashing the house down, raging through the rooms, kicking and shouting, roaring. Anger is coming up and coming out. It might start you off doing physical work as frantic cleaning or hammering.
I cannot breathe!
Especially when we are anxious, we incline to breathe in a shallow way, high in the chest. You might feel you cannot breathe properly. Your breath catches.
You might experience you cannot speak well. You voice is broken or you are losing your voice.
I cannot stand anything!
Our senses seem to work at a heightened level. It is possible you cannot cope with loud sounds or with sudden sharp sounds. You are irritated by noises that seems everywhere around you. You get startled more easily.
Some people get literally sick of beauty. Hearing beautiful music or seeing spring flowers come into blossom, makes them sick and ache.
I forget everything!
Another common thing is lack of concentration, temporary loss of memory or forgetting more than usual. Our brain has many things to deal with and it is just full. It is protecting us not to become overloaded. Our brain works hard and that can make you feel tired too.
Since you could feel confused and could have difficulty concentrating, I would say it might not be the best time to make major decisions., or start complicated tasks. You might need the concentration and energy for the basic cares in your life.
Adapting to the many changes in your life, takes energy. That’s why you can be very tired even when it seems you don’t do much.
All this is not to frighten you or to predict you are going to experience some of these physical reactions. I just hope this is helpful when you notice physical discomfort or pain, when you notice your body reacts in a different way. You are not crazy and you are not the only one.
Our defences are weaker during grieving. Grief and stress weaken our immune system and could increase inflammation. Our body needs care and attention. Even more so now, during this time of lockdown and coronavirus.
Do you know the phrase “Be kind to yourself?”
I would add “Be kind to your body too!”
Anja Hilkemeijer
Association for Support with Grief and Loss – Malaga and Surroundings
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